Log in

No account? Create an account

Please be kind if I'm a mess....

(no subject)
Okay, this time it's my fault.  When I got home I noodled around instead of doing the things I meant to do. Then I ate something and then I was so relaxed that I just kicked back and dozed off. When I woke up around nine, I should have just turned off the TV and gone to bed but I got into my pajamas and got back in to bed and tried to watch Ghost Hunters and fell asleep in such a way as to guarantee that I would wake up again and end up well, precisely here. And here we are. We really have to stop meeting like this.

(no subject)
I don't know why I suddenly feel compelled to write here after like, two years of not doing so. I can't sleep. I came home early because of a headache and fell asleep, and now I'm not tired. Am I not tired enough to watch a movie? Would it be wise? It would be after midnight by the time it was over and I have to get up really freaking early. Or I could just lay here listening to the radio-eventually BBC World Service will come on and I always find that relaxing. But that's at least an hour away, and I would spend the intervening time listening to my brain whir when I need it to quiet down. I could watch TV, but then I might fall asleep with the TV on and then I'd have weird dreams again and my sleep would be fitful at best. Oh life, you crazy bitch.

Writer's Block: Most memorable concert
What was the most memorable concert you ever attended? What made it so magical?
Probably seeing Jane's Addiction, Soundgarden and Mother Love Bone for four dollars at one of Seattle's Rising Star concerts.

Writer's Block: Doh!
What is the dumbest thing you've ever done?
I can only pick one?

Writer's Block: Miss Manners
What recently developed technology—cell phones, wi-fi, laptops, handheld gaming devices, etc.—do you think has had the worst influence on how people behave in public?
Cell phones by a landslide. It wasn't that long ago that not everyone could afford a cell phone, so I'm not sure why people now seem to feel like they have to be on the phone ALL THE TIME. I ride the bus a lot and most of the conversations I'm subject to are so stupid I'm not sure they ever need to take place, much less someplace where I'm forced to listen to it.  Making it worse is the compulsion these same people seem to have is to talk loudly enough so that evryone can hear it. Guess what? I'm not impressed that you got loaded last night and fucked the hot guy that you met at the bar.

It's No Crime To Be Good At Kung-Fu.
Well, here we are at the first Friday of the New Year, and so far life is keeping up it's end of the bargain.

Milton is home from the nursing home and doing swimmingly. In fact, I think I'm hovering too much-I keep expecting him to need more help than he does, and I think he just needs space. I'm glad he's back in his own surroundings, but it is a little weird to have him back after three weeks with the whole place to myself.  He has another doctor's appointment Tuesday and then may stay with his buddy Mike for a week or so.

Michelle and Hilarie came back from their ill fated trip to Bampf, and thankfully neither of them looks worse for the wear-physically, anyway. The car is all smashy, but hopefully their insurance people will come through for them. And maybe even someone will find their passports and return them before they go  on their trip.

Plus I've got this orange kitty purring on my lap. It's not so bad.

An Open Letter....

Dear Life,

Well, we're at the zenith of another year, and while 2006 has had it's bright spots, I can't wait for it to be officially over. I almost want to go out and celebrate that fact, but not enough to leave the comfort of my house and kitties.

Let's address the good things first, shall we? I am extremely grateful for the house I live in. It saved me from having a total meltdown from living on Sand Point. And while I realize that I was part of the problem, trying to recapture the really good memories of living there previously;let's face it, both the building and the neighborhood have taken a giant turn for the worse. It was just too similar to living in Lake City. Luck in the form of a kind and generous co-worker came to my door and for once I was sensible enough to accept. Many times I can't believe I live here, I can't believe how lucky I am. Truth be told, it makes me afraid sometimes, like I'm racking up a huge debt I can't pay. I don't feel like I deserve it. But I'm so thankful. This house has brought a sense of comfort and peace-it welcomes me at the end of every day and folds me in and locks out the world. It's given me a space to breathe and to welcome in all my friends and in turn give them a space to relax in. No one ever comes here that doesn't immediately feel at home, and I love knowing that. I even get to have the kitties, and that has been great.

I'm thankful that I continue to have wonderful friends. This year marked an increase in the number of times we were able to be together, and I look to the new year to increase that number even more. I'm thankful for old friends here,  new friends made and the reparation of friendships I thought I had lost for good. May they all continue to flourish. I am grateful for my family real and extended-and may we all a calm and peaceful year coming to us.

Speaking of which-I now have to address a gripe and a request in one breath for 2007. 


Okay, I know that as one advances in age the likelihood that people will get sick and or pass away increases, but come on! And yeah, I know bad things happen to people all the time and that now one is exempt from it, but really, enough is enough. I thought that I'd be able to creep out of 2006 without any catastrophes, but no such luck. Okay, no catastrophes, exactly but a few last shitty hurrahs before the wick goes out was already on my life roster, I guess. First-Milton's surgery. While I was relatively certain that everything would go well, and it did-it was hard for me to watch him be so worried and frightened and not be able to do anything about it. And I hate nursing homes like I hate hospitals, I found out. While they don't make me feel dizzy and about to pass out and no one has to hold my hand when I go in, I can still feel my anxiety shoot up and I have to curb the impulse to run back out the door. I'd like to have long visits with Milton whilst he's stuck there, but I can only handle it for so long. Then, the twin's car crash. Thankfully, everyone is safe-but now Ben and Michelle have to hope their insurance will be good to them so that they can replace their (almost) new car. They really can't afford it otherwise. Like most of us, they have no extra money. And then yesterday I got news that the mother of a friend had passed away. It's really a kindness, since she had been ill, but it still doesn't erase the impact especially when you're having Christmas shoved down your throat by everyone else around you.

So a request-can we all get a fucking break for a year? Give us all a chance to breathe and relax, won't you? A year isn't so much to ask, and it's not like I'm asking for world peace. No illnesses, no deaths, no accidents,no health scares even. I feel like there has been this snowball effect since the shitty holiday season of 2003 and between you and me, I still feel like I'm running on empty. Every time I started to recharge there would be another blow until I spent most of the time just bracing myself for the next attack. No one has to win the lottery or become a movie star. Just calm. That's all. Please. For all our sakes-the world is shitty enough without facing trouble around every turn in your daily life, you know?

Okay, I wouldn't mind an escape from the wasteland of the Bookstore for me and Tonyia, but I'll try not to push it.

That's all for now. The Marx Brothers are waiting on Turner Classic Movies to help me welcome in the New Year, although there's a good chance I be asleep already.

Ain't That A Lovely Shade Of Bitch?
Just as it seems happiness is within our grasp, life comes along and gives us a swift kick in the ass.

I was happy this morning-listening to some Christmas music, bundled up against the cold, thinking about how nice the house smelled due to the Christmas tree I had gotten on Saturday and looking forward to seeing a co-worker that had been on a medical leave of absence for three months, especially since it meant NOT seeing the person who had been filling in for her-a person who was a total moron. I should have known something was up.

The hours kept passing, but I tried to ignore the alarms going off in my brain. And then the message came down-even though she had called Friday to say that she would be in today, she made an eleventh hour decision that there was just too much for her to do at home to be able to work like she said she would. Worse, due to the fact the the position is time sensitive, the moron would be coming back to fill in. I'd like to be optimistic about the fact that they sid that they were gonna post the job, but I can't help but feel like it's a smokescreen to hide the fact that they're just doing it so that they can hire the moron permanently and say they tried-everything will look like it's on the up and up. Sigh.  At least I can look forward to Friday and seeing all my friends over here for the first holiday get together any of us has had in years. God willing, 2007 will treat us all kindly and I can plan a big blowout bash next year.

At least I got the fireplace cleaned out-now it's all ready for a nice fire Friday night. Now I just have to tidy the rest of the house and do some shopping and we'll be ready to go. I must make a shopping list!

Eroticize Intelligence.
Sheesh. I didn't really mean to let so much time pass between posts. It's just that I don't always feel like reporting on my day, life or anything else. I know you're supposed to be disciplined and all in regards to journals...I guess I just haven't got it. But I'm okay with that-for me writing(such as it is)in this thing is just a means of pulling a release valve in my brain. I'm an order freak-and I like having everything just so, and this helps.

The cats, after 3 months, have finally settled down into normal cathood. Well, at least around me. They're still wary of strangers, but they're making little cat paw strides. Oscar usually will peek out at some point if there isn't a lot of noise, and then every once in a while Norman will take that cue and maybe come out enough to look at what's going on. Oscar is a big fan of the lovin' so he breaks a little easier. They find many ways of driving me nuts and then sometimes I have to ask them if they're crazy and/or trying to make me crazy, but I'm so happy they're here and that they've relaxed.  I really didn't think we were ever gonna have a breakthrough.

And now it's Friday. Is there any better day? Yeah, I know Saturdays are good, but that's kind of a no brainer. To me Fridays are the best because it's relaxation after work, knowing you don't have to get up the next day, which means a long, luxurious wake-up, an unhurried breakfast and a whole day to do with whatever you choose. I guess it's the anticipation of it. Well, that's part of it-now that I live here, it's the pleasure of going home and really being able to lock out the rest of the world, especially if it's been a trying week or day. I love this place so much, and when I get here after work it's like the house is waiting for me, to welcome me in. it's got such a warm and inviting presence. Having the cats waiting at the door for me ain't too bad either even though for them it's more another opportunity to lie about how they're starving to death since they constantly forget that I'm the one who feeds them. I have chore night on Thursdays usually so I know that when I get home Friday night, the dishes are done, the laundry is finished, the garbage is empty and the cats have a clean cat box and all I have to do is feed them and then I can kick back in my pajamas and watch a movie. It's not the hottest nightlife around, but I find it immensely comforting and relaxing.

Tonight is a little different-I still have the anticipation of tomorrow(the lie-in, the breakfast etc.)but with a bonus. I'm getting my Christmas tree tomorrow and if it's not outrageously expensive I'd like to get a taller tree than normal since I have such high ceilings. Tonight I'm going to put my decorations out, which will take a little strategy on my part since the cats get into EVERYTHING. A tree could be a real adventure, but at least I'll have a couple of days to see how they'll react. Sigh.

Curiosity: The Key To A Lifetime Of Discovery
At least, that's what I hope the cats will think.

I've made the decision to allow Norman's brother to come live with me, in hopes that it will flush Norman out and make him less of a spaz. I've decided to call him Oscar. Supposedly he's a little more social and outgoing than his brother-not that that is saying much. So as I sit here typing, listening to a Stellars Jay making a fuss outside, I utter a silent prayer that I will have two happy cats instead of one cranky one. I'm a little nervous that something will go disastrously wrong, but we'll see. I'm trying to avoid pinning too many hopes on them, but after going for so long with no pets, it's hard. I just want to kiss them and spoil them so much.  Oh well, at least it's October, Halloween is just around the corner and the hot weather has finally given up the ghost, no pun intended. The house is clean, I've gotten almost all my Fall chores list done, I've got a good dinner waiting for me on Friday night and some good movies coming from Netflix.   It also looks like rain on Friday, so if I'm lucky Oscar will have vacated the fire pit and I can go down there and enjoy an evening fire.  Who knows, maybe they will both be comfortable enough to show their faces. Sigh. 

All this worry-this is why I could never be a real parent.